Last week, IASC had another round of their customary jack-off get togethers out at Woodward West. Naturally, as a harsh (and, frequent) IASC critic… I wasn't invited. Of course. To give them credit, that's probably the smart thing to do. I mean, if you know ahead of time that you're gonna be having a nad-rubbing circle jerk, you wouldn't really want the press there, wouldya…?
Not that I would have gone, anyway. First of all, rubbing the gonads of IASC's stupidest doesn't qualify as a "good time" in my book, for starters. And, secondly: The going price for "inclusion" (everything at IASC does have it's price, after all...) was a lofty $800 a head. Not even including airfare.
Now, I'm not entirely sure if the IASC Assholes have gotten this memo yet, but: We're In A Recession, Fellas. Not every skater in the world is a multi-zillionaire like you poofs are. Remember to check "reality" once in a while before we schedule these bullshit-sessions, alrighty guys…?
So, no: I wasn't there. But! Thankfully, ShopEatSurf.com was! Whatever the fuck "ShopEatSurf" is. As a certifiable fatass, I can totally grub down with the "eat" part. But, I hate shopping to the Nth degree, and I can't surf for a shit. Regardless: They were there. And, according to them, here's what IASC was discussing during their nad-rubbing bender (via Brooke's forums at Silverfish Longboarding):
"How and Why Athletes Go Broke"
Presenters:
Pablo Torre, reporter for Sports Illustrated
and Ed Butowski, Director of Financial
Literacy for the NFL and NBA
Moderated by Greg Weisman, shareholder with SILVER & FREEDMAN
Okay, wait up here for just one second. Sports Illustrated...? The NFL? The NBA?! What, IASC is taking advice from jocks now...? I can't believe this shit. Do you dudes actually think that I'm gonna go ask Kobe Bryant how to do a kickflip? No, dumbfucks. Of course I wouldn't, because I'm not a retard. Then: Why are we asking the NBA, how we should be running the goddamned skateboard industry...?!
Anyway, I'll digress. Back to the stupidity list:
"Social Media and Action Sports"
Late to the game, on a budget... what to do?
A break down the spectrum of social media
Presenters:
Greg Cargill, Founder of Big Method
Espree Devora of Zexsports
("Late To The Game"... now, that's a bit more up IASC's alley...)
"Ethical Sourcing: Exploring Sustainability,
Innovation, and Actionable Solutions"
Panelists:
Cara Chacon, Director of Social &
Environmental Responsibility - Patagonia
Yadira Hurtado, Code of Conduct Specialist -Timberland
Tina Cheung, Business Development
Manager Social & Environmental Responsibility -
Intertek
(Take this Survey to help tailor the panel just for you!)
"Video Games and Digital Entertainment"
The past decade of Digital Technology has been a race to the next new product - with each new development it seems we are riding a tidal wave of change.
Panelists:
Lisa Hudson, Black Sun Productions
Gaylene Nagel, Director of Brand & Experiential, GOGII/
textPlus
Ralph D'Amato, Director of New Media, Tony Hawk Inc./900 Films/ShredOrDie.com
Paul Kersh, New Media Manager, 4Fini / Vans Warped Tour
[Can we "tidal wave of change" IASC out of existence, I wonder...?!]
Apparently, you can even read the whole fluff-file here:
https://docs.google.com/fileview?id=...ZDQyZDhk&hl=en
Thank God That's Over...
Now, let's take a close look at this bullshit for a second. IASC is around, presumably, to advance the promoting, and the sustainability, of skateboarding… right?
That is: Getting your ass on a skateboard, and riding it. Am I correct on this, dudes?
Okay, then. You, tell me: What The Fuck does any of this bullshit have to do with "Getting On A Skateboard, And Riding It Around"…?! Because, it looks to me like this nad-rubbing sesh was all about "Helping Us Sell This Shit Out Even More!".
As for me, I would have thought that IASC would be discussing much more 'useful' topics, like:
"Russian Roulette With Limbs: How and Why IASC Keeps Shooting Itself In The Foot",
"Screwing The Core Skate Shop: The Next Level",
"Promoting Pathetic Products: How To Sell 'Shallow, Stale, and Boring' Forever And Ever",
"Turning On 'The Hype Machine': When Substance Runs Dry, Let Stupidity Reign!",
"Turning Profit Into Pomp: Scoring Beers, Bongs, and Babes for Old, Ugly, Arrogant Millionaire Has-Beens",
and lastly, "The Promising Future for the Corporate Marketing Wheezing Windbag!"
I've gotta admit, though… I found the "Ethical [Out]Sourcing" a bit funny. That's a good one, guys. Ten years after Dwindle first "Went To China"… now, all of a sudden, we're concerned with "the ethics of outsourcing"?! Man, that is some funny shit! IASC's new tagline should be "Act Now, and Think Ten Years Later!".
There ya go, fellas. Don't thank me now! But: The bill's still in the mail.
Boycotting IASC
Personally, I think that it's high time for us- average skaters- to firmly kick IASC squarely in those well-rubbed gonads of theirs. I think that all of us… shops, skaters, moms, dads, Patriotic Americans, everybody… should start boycotting those motherfuckers. Kill 'Em All! That's what I say. Just, go here…:
http://www.skateboardiasc.org/members/
… and, start resolving to never buy anything from any of these guys, ever again.
Which brings me nicely to my next topic:
Chappy?! What The Fuck, Dude?!
As I stopped by IASC's website to start compiling my "boycott" list, I was shocked and amazed to find that the first company on my list, was Abec 11? Holy Mother Of Christ, man. Chris has actually drunk the Kooky Kapitalism Kool-Aid, and joined The Poof Party?! Man, I can't believe that shit...
Whatever would possess and otherwise stand-up, and incredibly smart, sincere, and savvy guy like Chap to join the IASC Clusterfuck, is wholly beyond me. We even tried to call 'ol Chap for comment… but, apparently, he was tied up in meetings. Figures…
The "Silent" Boycott.
Anyway, I was talking "boycott" over here. As I was wandering through that list… and, remembering the last couple years' worth of industry news, gloomy press releases, and regular and depressing reports of job layoffs, red ink, and never-ending downsizing… it occurred to me that, in a way, the "boycott" is already well in effect. I mean, these guys are suffering pretty badly. Which is weird, because when you talk to many a non-IASC brand… those dudes seem to be doing a hell of a lot better than any of those IASC heads are. Indeed: Many of those non-IASC brands are actually growing, and thriving in this "depressed" environment of ours.
Which makes me wonder if the market really is "depressed"... or, if it's merely shifting away from IASC's membership…?
Stinky Feet
This week, another recent phenomenon came to the "news" forefront: That Foot Locker (parent company of CCS) has designs to compete in the "mall-market" against Zumiez, PacSun, etc.
Which basically means that: Foot Locker is now going to be, a "skate shop"! Fuck me, dude. Imagine that shit! Skateboards, at Foot Locker?! I mean, how much "gayer" can shit possibly get, guys?! "Queer Eye For The Straight Skater" reality shows? "Buy a baseball glove, get a free pair of trucks?!" How about, "Cleats: The New Off-Road Skateboarding Accessory! Double the effectiveness of your push overnight…!"
We've seen all of this before. Every single time that skateboarding gets over-played like this, it fully dies. It happened in the mid-'60s, the late '70s, the late '80s… and, it's happening today. When you take skateboarding... and, you turn it into a poofy, corporate, money-making, willy-wonka-daycare gay-off… of course, kids at some point are gonna go, "Holy shit, man. This shit's pretty fucked up…!", and leave. In droves.
And, really- who can blame them? It almost becomes embarrassing to be a fucking skateboarder, when it reaches this sort of over-the-top lunacy. When every little booger-headed asshole is suddenly "a skater"… who the fuck wants to associate with that?! I'd rather crawl into a cave and die, than run with that kind of "crowd".
As would, I might add: Most true-blue skaters. That's why skating dies. Well: "Mainstream" skating does, at least. Not, "reality" skateboarding, though. That shit is everlasting... and thankfully, it's also IASC-proof, too.
Going Under, Fast
In times like these, skaters take skateboarding back to the last "refuge", where shit stays real: The Underground. There, is where all the good shit lives, and thrives. Foot Locker simply doesn't exist to The Undergrounders. Zumiez never existed to The Undergrounders. Money doesn't mean squat, to The Undergrounders. But: Principles sure as hell do. Staying true to skateboarding, does. Having fun without all the attitude and bullshit, does.
As skaters begin wising up, and going back to The Underground with their shit… and, supporting Underground media (like The Solitary Life), Underground companies, and Underground skate shops… y'know, other people that, like The Undergrounders themselves, just wanna keep skateboarding real, raw, and raging… the IASC Companies, and everything that they stand for, and everything that surrounds and supports them… will die.
It's happened before. And, it will surely happen again.
Don't believe me?! Well, thankfully, you don't have to look very far. Just, look around this blog. There is cool shit going on all over the place. Indoor bowls in abandoned warehouses. Independent music. Skate clubs forming, and taking skateboarding back. New companies, all over the place... new companies, I might add, that still support American jobs, and the American economy. These aren't "new" or "revolutionary" ideas at all. They're just the good things that skateboarding always stood for, until IASC bastardized it all, and took skateboarding to places that suited IASC's interests... and, fattened up IASC's wallets... but, didn't necessarily reflect all that well on skateboarding, itself.
Bottom Line: IASC watches out for the interests of IASC's members. Not, the interests of skateboarding, as a whole. That might be the best reason ever, to kill this organization.
The "Alternative IASC"
Here's another nail for IASC's coffin: The Alternative IASC. A loose federation of skateboard companies… usually, smaller ones… that are starting top talk amongst themselves, about forming a new group of skateboard companies. One that more closely stands for the stuff that "skateboarding" has traditionally stood for. Increasing the fun. Putting out Good Vibes. Supporting Core Shops. A focus on quality, honesty, transparency, and integrity. Promoting "skateboarding" the way that "skateboarding" deserves top be promoted. Not, via video games. Not, by getting skateboarding into the fucking Olympics. Not, by selling their souls to every corporate chain-store in the world. But: By promoting what "skateboarding" really is: Having Fun On Skateboards. On a truly-inclusionary basis, mind you.
After all, everyone really should skate. Shouldn't they…?
However: This group believes that people, ultimately, should come to skateboarding. Skateboarding, should not go to them. You don't "dumb down" skateboarding, to make it palatable or acceptable to the average asshole. That, does a major disservice to skateboarding.. as well as, doing a minor disservice to the average asshole, as well. You're selling something to that asshole that "used to be cool", instead of selling him something that actually is cool. That's the rub, guys. We're selling everyone short, just so that you can sell "skateboarding" out.
But, IASC doesn't have the will, nor the wisdom, to tell their asses from their elbows. Let alone, to distinguish between fine distinctions like these. And, that's just too damn bad.
That's the basic difference in philosophy that sets the "Current IASC" apart from the "Alternative IASC". The Current IASC is trying to be skateboarding's pimp. The Alt-IASC wants skateboarding to Be The Pimp.
That's a pretty huge difference that means an awful lot, to an awful lot of skaters.
I wonder who I'll be supporting…
