We here at Everything Skateboarding would like to lovingly welcome our newest contributing editor to the team. He goes by the name "Fatboy", and he owns a small, custom-longboard-bulding shop in Lake Hiawatha, New Jersey named, aptly enough, "Longboards by Fatboy".
Just one example of Fatboy's finely-tuned, handcrafted work...
"I’m a fun loving Taurus with a great personality. Translation: I’m homely...."
As the scope and nature of Everything Skateboarding has grown over the years, so has our collection of dedicated contributors and editors. The precedent for a dedicated slalom series was actually started by our Editorial Director, AJ Kohn, when we decided to launch "The Freestyle Report" as a monthly column, right at the inception of The Solitary Life (Everything Skateboarding's predecessor).
"But that notwithstanding, I am indeed a skateboarder... and have been since I took my first spin on Michael Quinn’s clay-wheel-machine in his garage in 1975, and my life changed. My first board was a metal rollerskate that I cut in half, and nailed to a piece of plywood covered with purple shag carpet. Got the skate at a yard sale, and the carpet outta the trash. Rode that 'til I bought my plastic Rolling Star skateboard for $19.99... a small fortune in the 70’s. You could buy a running car for $100 back then..."
With the success of "The Freestyle Report" (which was officially taken over last month by the WFSA's Secretary, Hans Lucas, who you'll meet later in this issue), AJ and I decided that the next logical step would be to reach out, and include other skateboarding "niches" in a similar style format. Styles of skateboarding that we agreed deserved support and recognition, but that the "other" mags simply refuse to cover because they're not "cool enough", "profitable", "appealing to our increasingly closed-minded demographic", or whatever the hell the excuse-of-the-week is in their corners of the world.
"Then came the day I saw Skateboarder Magazine in the magazine rack at the local stationary store. My life changed again. Hobby gave way to obsession. This continued through high school, where I got my ass kicked by the jocks for wearing skate shirts and punk rock gear. For some odd reason, I was able to procure a girlfriend despite all this at the end of school. And sadly, skating took a bit of a backseat. Dude: Boobies..."
Did somebody say "boobies"...?
I tapped Fatboy for a few reasons. One, he's an established writer already, having worked with the late (and great) Criddle Magazine. Secondly, he's from Jersey, and we absolutely love right-coasters around here. Thirdly, us fat guys need to stick together. And, he's cool as shit. He's got a well-developed sense of humour (which is very, very important if you're gonna hang with a group of hardasses like us). And, lastly: He's got great style. And in skateboarding, style still counts.
Fats is also in a band (of course) called Rockets' Red Glare, that also happens to be the "house" band for the Morristown Madams, a rollerderby team. Jersey, man. So, so Jersey. We'll try to get a few Rockets' Red Glare tracks for the readers to check out. Fatty...! Hook us up!
"But then came the street skating revolution of the 80’s, and I was back in with all the day-glo gear I could muster. Wide fish decks, splatter paint, wall rides, jump ramps... yup, I was in for all of it. At one point we even ended up on Venice Beach skating with the Alva team. And by 'skating with', I mean riding our skateboards around near where the Alva Team was tearing it up in front of a huge crowd. Christian Hosoi was notoriously a tool back then, but that boy had skills...! And Eric Dressen did a jump-ramp-to-wall-to-fakie, like ten feet up...! Ridiculous...!"
Given that he's from Jersey, though, and well within eye-socking range of AJ (who lives in nearby Philly), I decided that making a dedicated ripoff called "The Slalom Report" might not be the wisest of ideas. AJ, after all, is a pretty tough kid, while Fatboy is admittedly... well, fat. At the end of it, I thought that a kick-ass, '50s-era lounge theme might better suit Fatboy's "Jersey" roots, and his penchant for conspicuous beverage-slurping.
Probably, my most detailed "headline" drawing to date. This went through a few dozen incarnations, and several re-draws, until I felt like I got the right mix between '50s chic, and slalom style, just right. Which never did happen... so I caved in, and just went with this one. I'm still workin' on it, but my hopes are dim for ever being completely happy with it. Fatty, on the other hand, thought it was great...! I truly am my own worst critic...
"Fast forward a few years, and I have a chance meeting with a fellow old-time skater– Joe Iacovelli. He re-introduces me to slalom, and soon I’m traveling all over the US and Canada, knocking down cones and having the time of my life. I’m a shitty skater, but in many disciplines. I still skate parks, ramps, street, slalom, and longboard. And I just picked up a street luge, so I anticipate getting brand-new scabs on different parts of my body. A wise choice at my age..."
To my amazement, Fatboy was more than happy to oblige us with his presence. He's also an efficiently fast worker... he's got three more hysterically funny articles done already, and waiting in the wings... so we'll be guaranteed that he'll actually make his deadlines every month. Which around here, is a real rarity.
Check out this ultra-rare, Wentzle Ruml IV (from"Dogtown and Z-Boys" fame), autographed "Mothershucker" model. Fats is one lucky guy, to be able to work with living legends like this. I'm hoping that I'm somehow a little bit cooler now, just by association. But since "association" still starts with "ass", I'm not really counting on that one working out, either.
"So there you have it – my skate background in a nutshell. As you can see, I am more than qualified for absolutely nothing and my opinion matters very little. But that never stopped me before..."
Welcome to the gang, Fats. We're glad to have ya.
"Life is not a journey to the grave, with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body. But rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, 'Wow...!'"
If you'd like to send Fats an e-mail, welcoming him to the staff, he'd probably be prety damn stoked. Hit him up at longboardsbyfatboy@hotmail.com.
