Okay... so, you're curious about slalom skateboarding? I can help! I’ll give ya some good, cheap advice. It doesn’t have to cost a ton of money to start out. Read on, I’ll hook you up.
Fat guys like me don’t wanna spend too much money on gear. It cuts into the doughnut fund, and I won’t stand for that type of crap. I’ll take you through all kinds of options for entry-level equipment. There’s lots of stuff out there, but I’ll narrow it down for ya. I’ll tell you where to spend the money for the best performance... "The best bang for the buck", so to speak. Well, the best bang for a buck is probably Junior’s mom, but that’s another story for another time. But for now, I’ll concentrate on slalom skating.
Turning is where it all begins:
We’ll assume that you have a skateboard of some kind. We’ll even extend that assumption to some kind of modern set-up: A double- kick deck with small, hard wheels, and narrow trucks. If this is what ya’ gots, no worries, we can start there.
And I’ll say this only one time: You have a helmet and pads, right...?! Good! Wear ‘em. Yes, chicks do dig scars... but not head trauma scars, ‘cause usually you’re drooling and impotent afterwards, and no chick finds that attractive.
The basis of slalom is turning, so the first thing we’ll concentrate on is making your board turn. Start by loosening your trucks. The next step after that is replacing the bushings in your trucks with softer ones. There are literally hundreds of different bushing setups out there, and everyone has their own opinion on which one is the best. And as they say, "Opinions are like buttholes... everyone has one!" And since I’m a rather large butthole by all accounts, I’ll give ya’ my advice: Get a few different bushings in a couple of different hardnesses. You’ll be amazed at the startling difference it will make! And one of the cool things about bushings is they don’t go bad, and you can use them in different trucks. So if you decide down the road that you really dig slalom, and you decide that you want to upgrade your rig, you can still use the bushings with your new trucks.
Any board can be used for slalom fun, but some of the very best entry-level slalom boards are those modern-day "retro-cruisers" that are getting so popular right now. They have all the requirements that Fatty's talking about, right at hand: Big, soft, and wide wheels (for speed and traction), narrow trucks (for quick response, and for clearing the cones), and short wheelbases (that excel on tight slalom courses). And they also double as small pool boards, and beer-run vehicles. Their versatility is really kind of extraordinary.
Cones:
Now, you wanna try out these new fangled bushing thingys, dontcha’? Then, the next thing on your shopping list is gonna be cones. "But Fatty, do I hafta drop fifty somethin’ dollars to get them fancy slalomer cones?!That’s a ton o' money!" Well, the answer for right now is "No". Just go to the next kegger with a big jacket on, and stuff a big pile of those red plastic cups that are near the beer in yer outergarment. The next day, when you sober up... and after you either take home that girl whose name you can’t remember, or at least throw some pancakes down her neck... set up some of those cups in a parking lot, or on a non-busy street. Double up the cups so the wind doesn’t blow ‘em away, and put ‘em in a line approximately two to three good paces apart. This is a nice, easy course, and you can practice this 'til you get the hang of the motions.
Seismic makes "regulation" (race-spec) slalom cones that typically run about $1 each, give or take. Even the "fancy" cones aren't extraordinarily expensive...
... at the same time, you can see just how fast "My F'n Beer" can turn into "My Slalom Cone", with a quick emptying, and a turning on it's head.
Okay! So, your first huge investment into slalom skating is like $10. You spent more than that on a couple of EggaMooby Muffins! You can’t even get a whole album on iTunes for ten bucks. So now you’re ready to move on up? Fatty’s got your back! I’ll give you a few chunks of advice here: Ask around, or check some skateboard websites (Silverfish, NCDSA, SlalomSkater), and find a contest or clinic in your area. Or you can even post on one of these sites that you’re a beginner lookin’ for some help, and your location. Slalom skaters are a good buncha people, nice folks who are usually willing to help out newbies... unless you’re a complete tool. So, my second bit of advice is to not be a complete tool.
How about this: "Fatboy suggests that not just in skateboarding, but in life... don’t be a dick." It will suit you in any and all situations, regardless of social or business significance.
"Saving Sense and Cents", the value of social networking:
Check this out: By not being a dick, you've (hopefully) made a few new friends. You see all that stuff that they're not using...? That stuff is most likely really good, and you can save a ton by picking it up from them. What do you care if it’s last year's stuff...? You’re not gonna be less competitive because of that. Racers tend to be equipment junkies, so even their "used" stuff tends to be race-caliber, anyway. Plus, forming a relationship with these folks will help you down the road. It’s always nice to see a friendly face at a race or event, plus you get street cred in the community……well, that sorta depends. If you’re buddies with a big name pro or race promoter, that’s good. If you’re buddies with me, or any of the Jersey or Canuckistan crew? Well, that’s a double-edged sword. At the very least, there’s embarrassment, and likely liver damage... and that’s just the start of it!
Your first "real" slalom board:
"Hey, you fat bastard...! I live in West Bumbletwat, Nebraska! There’s no one to skate with! How am I gonna meet these racers?! Isn’t there some kind of gear or setup you can recommend to learn with that won’t cost sixty gazillion dollars...?" Good question! Sure, I’ll recommend some options. Richy and Maria at Sk8Kings.com have a swell beginner’s setup. You can get a complete setup featuring an Axe deck with good wheels and trucks for like $170. And they’ll even set it up with different bushings in the trucks, according to your weight and ability. Longboards by Fatboy has a similar setup too, and they offer the ability to custom design your deck shape and size as well. Sorry about the shameless self-promotion here...! But honestly, we offer a good product at fair prices. And if you mention this article... and, you’re not a dick... maybe we’ll even toss you a discount.
Sk8Kings actually offers a few complete Axe setups in the $169 range, including this Lynn Kramer model, as a complete. If you check the website, you'll see that there's a dizzying array of customizing options. If you get confused (and a lot of heads do, including me), just ask Maria or Richy for help. They are absolutely wonderful people, some of the nicest folks in all of skateboarding.
Now let’s say you wanna "roll your own", but your last name ain’t Trump. Not to worry, most slalom deck makers have an entry-type model. Usually it’s a nice maple-ply deal, with some fiberglass in or on it. It’ll probably retail in the $75 - $125 range for the deck. This will be fine for you. Don’t get all wrapped up in camber or flex or whatever, just get one that's suitable for your weight.
Pocket Pistols Skates makes quite a few wood-based slalom decks, including this Duane Peters model (left), and this Barrett "Chicken" Deck model (right). You'd be surprised how many skaters go slaloming, when they're not in the spotlight. These are also available through Sk8Kings.
Trucks:
Now, you can spend a fortune on trucks; upwards of $250 each is not unheard of. For you, I’d recommend a Tracker RTX and RTS combo – X up front, S in the back. These are great trucks for low dough – great to learn on, great to race on. And you can do all kinds of tinkering and fine-tuning with them by changing bushings, and by putting wedged risers under them. Wedging changes the pivot angle of the truck to make it turnier, or less turny. You want your turniness up front, and the back pretty stable, so run both of your wedges with the thin part facing the front of the board. Independent and Bennett are also excellent choices in the "great, but not totally expensive" truck arena. Don’t get all caught up in the offset and axle/pivot hype for now. Walk before you run. Have I mentioned in the last paragraph not to be a tool? How about pie? Have I mentioned pie? I could really use a good recipe for coconut cream pie. Now, onto wheels...!
A Tracker RTX. A great entry-level slalom truck that retails for around $40 a set, with it's more stable RTS counterpart.
This side view illustrates the geometry difference between a Tracker RTX (left), and the RTS (right). The RTX is a super-quick-turning geometry,while the RTS is slow and stable for traction and stability.
This is a top-of-the-line, Tracker RTS with the "offset axle" option. Compared to the "standard" RTS, this bad boy costs $120 per truck. A "professional" slalom setup would use one of these, on the rear of the board, with a standard $20 RTX on the front. The offset axle does two things: It brings the axle in line with the kingpin, increasing stability and traction, while the "swingarms" flex slightly as you're pumping through the cones, further increasing traction. But for most beginner to intermediate slalomers, the standard $20 RTS works just fine.
Bennett Vector 4.3s and 5.0s also make exellent slalom trucks for everybody... from the beginner, all the way up to the intermediate and pro divisions. These are also widely available as a rear-offset truck, in a growing "aftermarket" conversion market, through dealers like Sk8Kings, and Speed Dealer (speed-dealer.ca).
Wheels:
There’s a lot of really good wheels out there. And don’t forget: Never underestimate the power of used gear, and not being a dick! ABEC11, Seismic/3DM, and Manx are all real popular with racers and enthusiasts. Sector 9 makes a good slalom wheel too, as do other companies that make wheels "not necessarily designed for slalom", but will still work.
The legendary 3DM Avalons (top) and Cambrias (bottom), which are some of the winningest wheels ever seen in slalom. They also make excellent cruiser and longboard wheels as well.
You’re looking for a wheel that’s softish...like, 78a to 83a durometer or so... and 65-70mm in diameter. Soft equals grippy, and you wanna start out being grippy. Speed will come later. And the diameter is important for rolling over shrapnel, and possible road crap. Real small wheels stop rolling suddenly when introduced to pebbles, and then physics kicks in. Look up "projectile" in your school books, or Google it to see the fascinating results...!Unless of course you’re contemplating a career in safe-cracking, and you want your fingerprints sanded off. Then by all means, run reeeeeeally small wheels and no gloves, and work towards your goal!
Back to wheels: ABEC11 has ZigZags and Grippins for slalom, both are great. You can probably find someone looking to off their Grippins cheaper ‘cause ZigZags are the new kid on the block. In the 3DM stable, Hot Spots and Avalons are the big sellers. Same thing as before with the Avalons: Hot Spots are the new hottie, so Avalons can be found cheaper. Also worthy of mention is the Cambria... highly underrated in my opinion, and a great wheel. The slightly smaller diameter can be used as an advantage on a real fast course if you wanna slow down a bit when you’re having trouble making gates because you’re simply going too fast. MANX wheels from Pocket Pistols were the big wheel a year or so ago, they are still being used and are still great wheels, and the fact that they are not in the spotlight means once again you can find ‘em on the cheap. And as I said before, there are other wheels out there that will be fine to learn on, and even race with great results.
Pocket Pistols "Cone Killers" (top), and Seismic "Hot Spots" (bottom). The Cone Killers feature a "pre-coned" design to further increase traction, while the Hot Spots get the same effect from using a highly advanced, high-rebound formula in a much more "traditional" wheel shape.
All of these are just suggestions from a fat, non-competitive racer, but they are valid! Trust me here, I’ve tried out a lot of different gear and while I’m never on the podium, I have an idea of what works and what doesn’t... especially in the realm of starting out. I consciously avoid the real expensive stuff because I can’t justify it for my limited abilities. Why should I spend $200 for a truck when it ain’t gonna make me a better skater? I won’t be any faster, I won’t enjoy skating more, and I’ll feel guilty about wasting the dough!
Courses:
Oh, and while I’m at it, when you’re out skating one day and you see a bunch of little kids drawing on the street or sidewalk with chalk, skate on up to them and make scary threatening sounds! When they run away, steal a couple of pieces of chalk from them – you’ll need it to mark where the cones go on your soon-to-be slalom course. After you set up a cone-course, you usually trace the base of the cones so that when you knock them over, you can put them back in the same spot. What...? Stealing chalk from kids is "mean"...?! Oh, screw the little kids! They have rich parents, and they’ll probably end up being your boss in 15 years, so a little pre-emptive revenge is fine! It’s chalk! That’s not even a misdemeanor! Mental trauma? Who cares. Get used to disappointment, you little bastards, there’s a whole lifetime of it ahead!
Okay! So now you have a board, some cones, and some stolen chalk, and you wanna learn how to slalom. Well, there’s all kinds of theories and thoughts and ideas on technique and whatnot. That’s like, a whole book right there. So I’ll give ya’ the quick and dirty……like Junior’s mom! Oh, snap...!
First, find a good spot to practice. A parking lot is great. A non-busy street is a good alternative... maybe an access road or something. Try to find a spot that has a good slope to it that’ll give you a nice run, but doesn’t make you go crazy fast – something not too intimidating. Smooth pavement is better than rough, and I prefer butter to cream cheese. Get out your cones... whether they’re the real ones, or the beer cups I told you to "borrow"... and get ready to set up your course.
There’s a few different kinds of slalom courses. There's "Tight", which is usually cones in a straight line, 5' - 6’ apart or so; "Hybrid", which has some straight cones and some offsets, with all sorts of different spacings; "Giant (GS)", which is faster with fewer cones far apart and offset, often on a steeper hill; and "Super G", which is the diesel version of GS, with big offsets, and big speed... full bag needed, dude. For now, don’t worry about the last two: "Tight" and "Hybrid" are where we’ll concentrate.
Fullbag (from Canada) also makes some very forward-thinking, formica-strengthened slalom decks. Notice the specialized length and wheelbase options for the three major types of slalom. The lower photo is a great multi-view shot of a Fullbag slalom deck, showing the modern concaves that these board utilize. The rear truck mounts on the end of the kicktail, not at the base of it (like on most skateboards).
Start simple, give yourself some room to push a little, and get both feet on and situated... then, put down your first cone. Now, stand next to your first cone and step down the course like 2 or 3 good strides and place down your next cone. Continue doing this down the hill till you have a bunch, like 10 or 20 set up. Make sure you leave yourself some run-off room or you can just slam into a crappy car at the end of the road. Sure, it’ll hurt. But you’ve gotten toughen up to race slalom! Here’s a good philosophy on cone setting: If it’s too hard, move the cones further apart; if it’s too easy, make ‘em closer. Yeah, I know, I’m Albert Friggin’ Einstein. But it really is that easy, don’t make it harder than it needs to be.
This video has been making its way around the internet for years. It was shot sometime in the early 1990's, and documents Martin Sweeney's official, 21.779-second, 100-cone record attempt. This is a typical "tight" course, with the cones 6' apart on a fairly mellow hill. Just last year, Joe McLaren shattered this record in Antrim, NH with a clean, 20.687-second run.
Now, you’ve got a course that’s makeable? Cool, break out that chalk that you got from the little kids and make some marks on the street so you can put the cones back where they were if you hit ‘em. Now practice your course, plain and simple. Try doin’ it faster, but also try to "run clean"- with no cones down. Fun, huh...? Yeah okay, it’s no jello wrestling with Junior’s mom, but there is a certain enjoyment one gets from simple turns on a skateboard. If you wanna kick it up a notch, try moving a cone or two off of the axis of the line of cones – these are called "offsets", and one or two make an easy course next to impossible. Move them off the line like 6 inches or so, you may have to lengthen the gap to the next cone to make it, so refer to the "Einstein" statement previously. There are no real set rules to course setting, some folks set good ones, some don’t... but don't worry, you’ll get better at it.
This torturous "hybrid" course was the centerpiece at the 2011 Worlds, held on Carling Avenue in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. Note the highly staggered "offsets" in the cone pattern, with the super-tight straight runs in between the offset sections. This course is absolutely brutal, as evidenced by the cones flying off everywhere in the video.
So there you have it! Beginning slalom, made easy. From cheap gear – like Junior’s mom – to course layout, to networking. All in one easy lesson with someone who’s been there, and learned by trial and error: Me! Learn from my mistakes, and don’t forget my biggest piece of advice: "Don’t be a dick!" And next time you’re at a race, or an all-you-can-eat doughnut buffet... and you see me, let me know if I helped at all. I’m the one in the orange hockey helmet and kilt...
Love, Fats...!
