This week, I was accused by a good friend of mine of being "A little bit ADD". Would I argue with this? Hell yeah I would! But, I would argue it in this way: Even though I do bounce around from topic to topic pretty quickly and easily… at the end of the day, all of those "topics" do have some common undercurrents, common themes, and common lessons to be learned. Even if they're not readily apparent, at the very first glance.
Here's the undercurrent of the week, this week: It is entirely cliche for skaters to say things like, "There are no rules in skateboarding". And, on the surface, that's entirely true. There are truly, no "rules" to speak of, when it comes to skateboarding. No "written" rules, at least. There is no guidebook that you can buy, that can ever tell you how to be "a skater". There's no pamphlet that will ever give you quick and handy tips regarding what to do, and what not to do, as a skateboarder.
At the end of the day, that sort of shit is pretty much left to every skater to figure out for themselves. Some skaters "get it", and have a very long and fruitful "career" in skateboarding. And, of course: Some skaters just never seem to "get it" at all. Probably because, they were totally clueless in the first place. Invariably, those kids are the ones that are pretty much here today, and gone tomorrow.
And when they do slip up, drop out, and get left behind… we, as the "Community of no-bullshit skaters everywhere"… we'll all say something along the lines of "Good Riddance!", go on our merry way, and probably never, ever look back.
Rule Number One: Never Forget It
If I were so ambitious as to write a "guidebook" of some sorts on what it takes to be a skater, and what those "unspoken rules" are, I would probably make this the first one:
"You will, under any and all circumstances, be forever cool and respectful to your fellow skateboarder. No matter what. Regardless of their race, gender, age, weight, hair color, intelligence, 'kookiness', 'gayness'… or, what sort of skating they may, or may not, be into."
Now: I'd say that most skaters, would probably agree with me on this one. No! Wait! Let's make that: "Most real, true-blue, smart, and saavy skaters that know what the fuck they're talking about, would probably agree with this one". That might be, a hell of a lot more accurate.
Because, as we all know, not all "skaters" actually conform to this. Even though they damn well should.
Exhibit "A"
This week was a pretty tough week here at The Solitary Life. Here's what happened: I wrote something that some Industry Bigwig didn't like. He then called me up (along with some other people, I might add), and bitched my ass out for about fifteen hours or so, because he was all butthurt and shit.
Now, I could say a whole lotta stuff about this situation. And in the following weeks, months, and years, I'm sure that I will. But, for now, let's just talk about the "rules", and why they don't always work out for everybody.
This chap, when he picked up the phone, had two real simple choices in front of him. "Choice One" was to do what the "rules" dictate, and stay fairly cool about all of this. Sure: Maybe I said something that I shouldn't have said. Sure: Maybe I hadn't been "cool" in my storytelling/essaying/reporting/whatever. True: Maybe I didn't have all the pertinent facts right in front of my eyes, at just the right time. And, yes: Maybe I hadn't been entirely "cool" to this dude, myself. All of these things, may or may not be true. All of these things, are open to debate and conjuncture. All of these things, bring up even more questions than they're really worth. At the end of the day, I just thank God that we have a First Amendment, I call it as I see it, and I pretty much leave it at that.
But, one thing does always hold true. And that is: Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right. Regardless of what I may, or may not have done… or, how "wrong" or "right" I might have been… the rules are still pretty black-and-white. You Be Cool To Your Fellow Skater. And, That's The End Of It. Just because he was pissed off, there's no good reason to go on ahead and piss me off, too. Now, all we have is a whole bunch of pissed off people, and most of those are in "the press". Smooth move, there, Slick Rick. Stay classy, San Diego.
Here's the way I see it. Everyone has choices to make. Those choices say an awful lot about who you are, and what you believe. Here's what I believe: Skateboarders that are genuinely cool to their fellow skateboarder, are truly "Skaters". In every sense of the word. It doesn't matter how "good" you are. It doesn't matter if you're sponsored or not. It doesn't matter if you're rich, poor, white, black, blue, yellow, purple, or pink. It doesn't matter if you're a boy, a man, a girl, or a woman. If you're a skateboarder, and you're cool to other skateboarders… then, by gawd, you're a fuckin' skater. And, that's it.
But, what of those "other dudes"? You know the ones… the "skateboarders" that might ride skateboards... and may even ride them very, very well? But, at the end of the day, they're the kind of guys that are just dicks and jerks to everyone around them… including, other skaters? What do I call those assholes…?
Here's what I call 'em: "Assholes, dicks, and jerks that can ride skateboards [pretty good]".
But definitely, not "Skaters".
That's how I see it, so that's how I call it.
Rule Number Two
Let's move right along here, everybody. If my personal rule… and, make no mistake here, by the way: These are all, just a bunch of Personal Opinions (As if I had to actually point it out or something…! Jeez Louise…). So: If my "Personal Rule One" is:
"Be Cool To Your Fellow Skater"…? Then, my "Personal Rule Two" would certainly be:
"While you're at it: Be Cool To Everyone Else, Too".
Now, here's the funny thing: Almost every thinking skater worth their shit, will more than definitely agree with Rule Number One. Nobody in their right mind, is gonna dispute that one. At least, not publicly. And definitely, not to other skaters.
But, Rule Two?! Ahhhhh! That one, I can guarantee ya, won't be quite so popular.
Exhibit "B"
Let's say that, you're out street skating at 3 am. You're at a spot, and you're just minding your own shit, and having a good time. You're not harming anyone, or anything at all. You with me here, kids...? You should be, because this has been "me" about 5000,000000,000 times in my fucking life. So: I kinda know what I'm talking about, here.
Anyway: You're out, you're skating, and then… some jackass fucking security guard comes up to you, and starts throwing up all kinds of crazy hate all over you, and tells you to get the fuck out of there. Like, right now, assface...!
Sound familiar? Good. It does to me, too. Believe me on this one.
So: What do you do?! Well, here's what most dumbass little snot-nosed skates do: They start throwing up a huge, disrespectful, punk-ass bunch of hate all over the Security Dude! Like, "Take That, Bitch…!!!"
And then, they:
- Get an ass chewing from the guard, or they
- Get clobbered, or they
- Get the "real" cops all in their shit, which usually means they
- Get a ticket, or they
- Pay a fine, or they
- Get hassled every time they skate this spot, or they
- Make the spot a bust for everyone else (Which makes the skater a jerk, now...) or they
- End up with some unfortunate, but entirely realistic combination of the above.
Call me Captain Obvious, and let me point out that: All of these things kinda suck.
Plus, what's even worse, is that: All of them, could have been easily avoided.
Why I'm Right, and You're Wrong
So, let me ask: Is there a better way?! Yup. There sure as hell is!
And, that "Better Way" can be found in Brotha Bud's "How To Be A Skater" rulebook. Right there on Page 1, Rule 2. Which is, "Be Cool To Everyone".
Here's a funny factoid that I'd like to share with everyone out there in skateland. I, have never had "my name taken by the police". I, have never received a ticket for skateboarding. I, have never paid one red cent in fines to anybody (Not for skating, at least… "sports cars" are a whole 'nother matter…). Yet: I spent twenty entire years of my life, street skating all over the world. And, to this day, I can pretty much skate wherever I want, without fear of ever having to deal with any real "consequences" going down, or even worrying about anything "bad" ever happening to me at all.
So, you tell me: "How in the hell does this work?! How does that retard fatass that can't really skate, get away with it…?!?!"
The answer is simple, dumbass: I'm "Cool", and You're Not.
Look, kid. I recognize that, in order to ride a skateboard virtually anywhere… you're gonna end up causing a shitstorm somewhere down the line. Skating, after all, is pretty much, "Universally Illegal". You skate down the sidewalk? It's against the law. The street? Against the law. In a skatepark, without a helmet? Against the law. Down a hill, on a longboard? Against the law. In a pool? Definitely, against the law. On somebody else's property? Against the law. Fuck, kid: The only place you can "legally" skate, is pretty much up your own asshole. And obviously, nobody wants to go skate there.
So, if we're gonna keep on skating, and having places to skate? In that case, "Cool Is Job One". Unless skating in your own ass appeals to you. In that case, you're just………
As a strictly personal policy, I always, always make it a point to be very, very cool to all cops, security guards, and property owners. Always. Even if they're not being cool… still, there is such a thing as being "The Smarter Dumbass", or "The Bigger Man" in all of this. So, no: I don't react to hate, with more hate. Nor do I react to "stupid" with even more "stupid". I simply play the Smart Bloke, and deal "The Cool Card" extremely well. And then: I [Usually] Win!
You know what I get out of doing that, kids...?! Cops think that I'm awesome, and security guards let me skate pretty much wherever I want, whenever I want. Ramp owners invite me to their house, and guys with secret spots let me in on all of their secrets.
That's the reward that you, too, can get out of being universally respectful, and continually cool to everyone around you.
Some Of Life's (Harder) Lessons
As a quick aside, here's take a second to outline a few more related "good ideas", in the interests of helping all skaters "Be A Little More Cool To Their Fellow Skater":
- If you make a bunch of trash while you're skating your local park? Pick up after yourself. Nobody if your fucking maid.
- If a ramp owner invites you to a BBQ? Ask if you can bring something. Don't be a mooch.
- Ramp owner lets you skate his ramp often? Offer up a few bucks when it's time to resurface it. You're not a scrounge, either.
- Out of cash? Pick up a hammer and a screw gun, and pitch in some elbow grease to help get that shit done. Unless you're crippled or broken, you're helping.
- Somebody tells you a secret? Keep it a secret. You aren't The National Enquirer.
- You think somebody's a kook? Keep your trap shut. Guaranteed, somebody thinks you're a kook, too.
- Somebody trying to learn a trick? Help them out a little. Because contrary to your own opinion, you weren't born sponsored, buddy.
- Lastly: If you're some critical, fat-assed, critical blogger jerk? Remember: You weren't always a genius, and you didn't exactly learn it all "the easy way", either.
I noted it because, believe it or not: I know it far better than you think. And I'm definitely not "too good for a little self-criticism", either.
"Why Don't Girls Skate...?!"
I spotted this topic over at Silverfish this week about "Why Girls Don't Skate". Being the curious joe that I am, I decided to go check that out. Because, the Silverfish kids are generally on top of their shit. They ain't dummies, that's fersure.
First thing that I spotted, was this little gem from somebody that goes by the name of "Belegnole":
"The reason more girls don't skate, is guys".
Now, see that?! That's precisely the sort of intelligent, insightful, no-bullshit, straight-to-the-point, brutally honest kind answer that I like to see on a messageboard forum somewhere. I don't have the first clue who this "Belegnole" person is, but I can tell ya one thing for certain: They should be running this fucking industry.
In this industry, we've all… and, when I say "we've all", I'm referring to those of us industry-dudes that actually have our thinking caps on, screwed tight, and powered up… "we've" all been trying to solve the riddle of, "How Do We Get More Girls To Skate?!" for years...
Now, let me be clear here: The Industry, and The Solitary Life (aka, "The Media"), have very different reasons for asking this question. The Industry being "The Industry", they want "more girls skating", because they wanna "sell more skateboards". More girls? More customers. More customers? More Cash. Very easy, very simple, and very honest. No…?
Now, as for "us"? Well, The Solitary Life isn't a "business". We don't actually buy, or sell, anything at all. We're just "the media". Media that's pretty much run by "Me".
So, why do I want more girls to skate?! Where do my interests lie on this one…?
Easy: I Think That Everyone Should Skate. I've always thought that, actually. And, I still do. Regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation, blah blah blah.
Let me be real honest and clear here: I was blessed, to have been introduced to skateboarding by somebody along the way. Skateboarding, has given me a whole lot of great times, and good memories.
Corny as hell? Yeah. True, nonetheless? Uh-huh! Totally.
I just think that it would be a damn shame, if anyone else missed out on that. Regardless of "why" they missed out. But, I especially think that it'd be a damn shame, if the only "reason" that they missed out, is because they're a girl (Or a woman, or a female, or whatever…)
So- you know what I propose? It's pretty simple:
"Let's Be Cool To Girls!" Just like, we'd be cool to everyone else. So: Why should "girls" be any different…?!
The answer is: They're not.
If The Industry really and truly wanted more girls to skate… then, they would very wisely implement some sort of policy that basically says, "We will support, and be cool to, all girls that either skate, today… or, that might want to skate, tomorrow." What's more: I would write this policy somewhere where anyone and everyone could read it ("Like I just did!"), and I would repeat it pretty often. Just in case anyone forgets where I stand in all of this.
I ran the idea by Brookesey (That would be Michael Brooke, at Concrete Wave) last week, of implementing a long-term and far-reaching media campaign, aimed squarely at breaking the "stigma" that says that "Girls Shouldn't Skate!" This, was one of the crazy-ass "ideas" that I came up with... clearly on my own, with [obviously] no help whatsoever from anyone that might have known what the hell they were doing...
Regardless, I liked the fact that this picture (Of Farrah Fawcett, no less!) was taken in the mid-1970's... a time when "women's lib[eration]" was at the height of it's game. Also: The one time in skating's history, where large numbers of women not only skated... but actually had sponsors, got ads, participated in competitions, and enjoyed "relatively widespread" (by today's standards, at least) coverage in the media.
How can it be that, more than thirty years later, we... as a sport, as a pastime, and as a community of participants... have actually gone backwards on this issue...?! At the very, very least: We haven't made a whole hell of a lot of progress. What, exactly, does that say about us...?
Lastly: If you can't read it, the "fine print" in it says: "Brought to you by the guys (Not, "the girls!) at [The Solitary Life]. When you're "exercising industry leadership", you need to be extremely clear in what you are saying. We, are Guys! Yet: We Support Women In Skateboarding!
Are all of the rest of the "guys" in this industry of ours gonna man up, and follow suit? Or: Go on doing nothing at all...?
I ran the idea this week past Brookesey (Michael Brooke, at Concrete Wave) that maybe, "The Media" should take a "leadership" role on this one, and openly encourage more girls to take up skating...? Mostly because I fear that, if we leave it in the hands of IASC, or the manufacturers… they'll only fuck the whole thing up, like they always seem to do. So, why don't we just do it for ourselves?! Surely we, as "The Media", don't need IASC to do for us, what we could just as easily do for our own damned selves…!
And, I just thought that [publicly] saying something as simple as "Hey, guys! Let's all stop being a bunch of territorial fucking dickwads, and maybe try being cool to women for a minute or two" might just be, a darn good place to start.
"Sorry" to any dickwads that might be offended by all of this.
Everybody Fucks Up
So, I was talking to this kid today about all of this, and he was all stoked. He was like, "Man, you're the smartest dude around! I'm gonna listen to everything you say, and life's gonna be awesome! I'm gonna have it made, and never screw up!"
Right there, I was like, "Whoa. Hold up there, grasshopper. Uhh… I hate to tell you this, but… you will absolutely, and definitely, screw up. Some time, some place, and some how… you're gonna play it wrong, and get your ass kicked. Sorry man, but it's the truth".
And, it is. No kid wants to be hanging off of my left nut for the rest of his life. And, in any rate, I sure as hell don't want any booger-brained teenybopper hanging off of my left nut for the rest of my life, either.
Nope. Kids might listen once in a while [if we're lucky]. They might even learn something along the way. Which is great! And then?! If we've actually done something right, and we're really, really lucky?!?! They might even take away what they learn, go rushing out into the world… and then, almost immediately, they're gonna fuck it all up.
It's just part of the gig, man. It's what kids do.
So: What do you do, when you screw it all up?! Well, that's easy! Just, refer back to Rule Number One! Which is, once again:
"Be Cool To Everyone".
I might add, "Especially if you're the one, being the jackass".
Lord knows, I've made my fair share of goofs in my life. It's not like, I've always been a "natural genius" or whatever. Shit, dude: There are still guys out there that think that I'm the biggest ass on the whole face of the planet. It's not about whether you succeed, or whether you fail. We're all human, so we're all pretty much doomed to fail, anyway, sooner or later.
The real challenge here, is to make a sincere effort to "try". The best that you could ever do, is do the best that you can do, and be willing to eat some shit-cake when (Not, "if") you fall short. It's kind of like the whole cheeseball Animal Chin bullshit: "As long as you're trying to be cool to your fellow skater, than you've already succeeded…"
Honestly, though? I think there's a lot of truth in that.
Back To The Bigwig Jackass
Yeah. Let's get back to that guy, before we finish this whole thing up. "That guy", by the way, is the "Asshole, dick, and jerk that can ride a skateboard [pretty good]". The dude that fucked up this week, by giving me a shit-ton of bumbling bullshit.
What would I tell that dude, today? Right now…?
Well, what I would tell him to do would be to do the same thing that I'm telling everyone else to do. And, that is to do "The Cool Thing". Which, in my world, is also synonymous with doing "The Right Thing".
Now, let me add: This guy doesn't have to do anything at all, as far as I'm personally concerned. I'm already over it. The sad, ugly truth of the matter is that, he's dead to me. He's out, and he's gone. He broke Rule Number One, and he did it in this awesomely impressive way that I probably won't be forgetting anytime soon [if, ever].
I might add that: Anyone that knows me well, will surely attest to the fact that I can pretty easily forget all kinds of stuff. And: I do. All the damn time. Names, numbers, what I was doing five seconds ago, where I put my house... yeah. But, this...?! Nah, dude. This, I'll be remembering for a good, long while.
As you can probably guess, I had to make the difficult, and unfortunate decision this week regarding whether I could, in good conscience, personally support "this guy" any more. Well, "personally"? I can't. I just can't bring myself to do it. No matter how hard I try, my good conscience as a person... let alone, as a fellow skater... will not allow me to continue to support this sort of blatantly disrespectful behavior. I just can't…
On a happier note, I did realize something else this week. And, that is that life really is pretty grand these days. So what if there's one un-cool dude in the industry?! Lord knows that there's only about a zillion other truly cool blokes out there, doing some pretty neat shit right now. So, at the end of the day, what's one dude really amount to, when there's so many other great heads out there doing such good stuff…?! Well, shit man! It's no skin off my nose! I'll just support some of them, instead...!
Because The Solitary Life is my blog, and it is ultimately my publication… naturally enough, The Solitary Life will be following suit for the time being. However: As The Solitary Life grows, and increasingly becomes a larger and larger family of writers, reporters, journalists, storytellers, analysts, critics, contributors, advisers, friends, supporters, advertisers, and readers…? The Solitary Life, as a collective, might eventually reconsider this policy. But, I won't. Personally.
So, no: I don't need this dude's apologies. But, the fact of the matter is that: I wasn't the only guy involved, either. The Cool Thing for this guy to do, would be to put that right with whoever else "might" have been involved, and/or affected by this (assuming that it's possible to do). And to "put it right" very, very quickly.
And make a point of remembering Rule Number One from here on out.
It is, after all, the only rule that matters.
This piece is dedicated to my good friend, "Brotha Bart" Kelley. The bossman of the Old Indy Skaters (OIS), he's also one of the wisest and most insightful guys that I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. Keep up the good work, Brotha Bart. You're sure to win in the end.
