Here at The Solitary Life, we are seeing a disturbing trend playing out that I feel especially compelled to speak out, and speak out clearly about. The trend that I am seeing unfold is best described (in my eyes) as "Skateboarding vs. Skateboarding". And, to be perfectly blunt: It's Not Cool. Not cool at all.
In our world, skateboarding is skateboarding. We are admittedly very simple-minded guys around here. And thus, our philosophy is very simple-minded as well. I suppose that I would add to that that all skateboarding is cool... even though we probably wouldn't know "cool" if it beat us all up around the head.
"Skateboarding" is defined, in our simpleton minds, as rolling around on a skateboard. And a "skateboard" is defined as a plank with two (or more) trucks, and four (or more) wheels. Plus, a whole buncha bearings and screws and shit. I added the "or more", because believe it or not, there are actually skateboards that use more than two trucks, and more than four wheels. As such: Some land luges would fall into this category, as would six-wheeled slalom boards. Some people might argue that land luges aren't "skateboards" because lugers generally lie down to ride (instead of standing up), while some other heads might say that six-wheeled slalom boards are for wussy cheaters that can't race (and win) on only four wheels.
Whatever, man. As far as "skateboarding" goes, we try to be as inclusive as possible with these things. So personal biases aside, we still count these things as "skateboards". Even if they are highly "unconventional" skateboards, at best.
So, here we have a whole bunch of funny photos of people skateboarding. Obviously, I went all-out to find the silliest shit imaginable, right...? But, look at all those faces (except the downhill dudes, because you can't see crap through those full-face helmets). What's the common thread, folks...? They're all smiling, and clearly having fun.
Bottom line? They may seem like morons to you, or rejects from your little cool-club that you've got going on over there... but to me? Those look like a bunch of people that know exactly what skateboarding is all about. And in my book, that makes them the smartest skaters around. (Photos from all over the internet).
A lot of my personal, "All-Inclusive Bias" revolves around the fact that I'm typically, a pretty open-minded guy. Some time ago, I wrote a piece about "What Skateboarding Taught Me". And, that's one of the things that I learned, through skateboarding: To be open-minded. So, if you've got a problem with my "All-Inclusive Bias"? Then I say, "You can blame skateboarding for that, fucko".
But, here's another reason for my "All-Inclusive Bias". In my thirty-or-so-years of skateboarding, I've personally tried- and, for the most part, loved- all types of skateboarding. Take the land luge, for example. I remember way back in 1989 (or so), reading two articles in the skateboard media about land luge. One was in TransWorld, and the other was in Thrasher. And they appeared just a couple of months apart, if memory serves me correctly. So, I sorta got a double-dose of "land luge". And, it looked fun. So, I built one and tried it out. And lo and behold: It was fun. Is it "technically skateboarding"...? Well, I don't know about all that. But, I can tell you with some authority that it was a pretty fuckin' sweet ride. And at the end of the day, I think that's all that really matters, isn't it...?
In skateboarding today, we have a lot of narrow-minded haters out there that will be more than happy to tell you that this-or-that is "gay", "stupid", or "un-cool". Which is fine, as far as it goes. If these knuckleheads want to promote themselves as the experts on what is "gay", "stupid", or "un-cool", then they're not gonna get any arguments from me. I sure as hell don't wanna be the expert on what's gay, stupid, or uncool. So if somebody actually wants to step up and claim that title... then I figure, okay. That's rad. I'll just claim "un-gay, brainy, and cool as hell", instead.
Street skaters like to claim that longboarding is gay, stupid, and uncool. Longboarders are more than happy to tell you that street skaters are gay, stupid, and uncool. Pool skaters are actually smarter than everyone, because they're too busy cleaning and wrecking pools to really give a fuck either way. And freestylers and slalomers are apparently so gay that they don't even claim the right to judge anyone else, or anything else.
Most heads don't know this, but I grew up street skating. Mini-ramps are still my favorite thing to skate. I've skated vert a little bit here and there (it's super hard, but that's what makes it so gnarly and badass). These days, I love concrete bowls. I've never freestyled, per se... but with all that street skating does come a few flatland skills, so you can make the call on that one, I guess. I ran the slalom course at The Buckeye a few times (on a 10" wide pool board with a 17" wheelbase), and I made a few clean runs on it, which made me pretty happy. And, I have a current collection of about nine or so longboards, and a half-dozen cruisers that I like to tool around on for things like walking the dog ("walking" might be great fun for less-evolved species, but not for humans like me), or rolling to the store for Cokes and cigarettes.
So, here's the deal. When somebody, somewhere, says something blatantly stupid about some form of skateboarding...? We're gonna call "bullshit" on it real quick. As "The Media", I believe that it is our solemn duty to the skateboarding public to do just that. To call bullshit on bullshit, and to [try to] enlighten our readership about these issues. Because if you don't want to get an authoritative insight on the true nature of skateboarding, then why in the hell would you be reading "The Media" in the first damned place...? You wouldn't. You'd stay in your own little ignorant shell, and go along being blissfully clueless for the rest of your stupid-ass life. But nobody wants to be "that dude". So [hopefully], they read The Media to get their asses informed.
And informing is what The Media is there to do (when they're doing their jobs well). So deal with it.
Bud Stratford
Professional Asshole
The Solitary Life
